Being a parent is such a special journey with so many wonderful moments but also times in which you may feel utterly overwhelmed and stressed.
At the same time, you want your kids to feel secure, to grow emotionally intelligently, and to develop healthy coping strategies. So in the whirlwind of today's parenting advice, you will find a maze of strategies all aimed at safeguarding your kids from the bumps and bruises of life — emotionally speaking.
But what Kietzee Guide Shaenelle Murray actually found through her work with kids was that the journey to nurturing a child's well-being starts with the parents.
Shaenelle is a Sensory Wellness Educator and US-trained Occupational Therapist. Her expertise lies in child development, focusing on motor skills, and emotional and sensory regulation. Over the years, she realized that directly working with children was just one piece of the puzzle.
The real breakthroughs happened when she began to involve the entire family with a science-backed approach.
In this article, Shaenelle will share how to understand your brain and find calm before sharing it with your kids. (This article is not just great for after your kids are born – it’s a great idea to start implementing Shaenelle’s tips even before then!)
How to understand how your brain works – and why it matters
Have you ever thought about why you react the way you do? It's all about understanding the way your brain ticks. When you get a handle on this, you'll find yourself tuning into not just your needs but those of your kids as well.
Your brain has this switchboard that flips between "brace yourself" (fight or flight) and "take it easy" (rest and digest). Mastering the art of balancing these responses is key to keeping your emotional world steady, laying the groundwork for parenting that's calm and thoughtful.
This journey asks you to listen to your body, to spot the signs when stress is creeping in, and to embrace habits that move you from feeling frazzled to being in the moment.
The calm and balance you’ll cultivate within yourself will naturally extend to your children and your home. Your kids need you—not just the you that's always on top of things, but the you that's steady and connected within. Caring for your basic needs and being mindful of your well-being is perhaps the most profound form of self-care in parenthood.
How this will benefit your whole family
Diving deep into your own emotional regulation has this amazing ripple effect that touches every corner of your home. It's empowering for you and, by extension, equips your kids to navigate their feelings and the world with confidence.
Kids learn by watching—how you deal with setbacks, celebrate wins, and resolve conflicts. By modeling effective communication, problem-solving, and self-care, you're giving them a living guide to emotional resilience.
Moreover, this journey is about creating an environment where emotions are not just acknowledged but respected. It's teaching your children to recognize their feelings, understand their origins, and learn strategies for self-soothing and regulation.
Through practice, they'll learn to identify what they're feeling, why they're feeling it, and how to move through their emotions without being overwhelmed.
What Does This Look Like in Real Life?
Consider these three areas for focus.
Safety: Did you know that ‘being’ safe and ‘feeling’ safe are two different things? Our brains mix up past and present experiences to try and figure out if we're okay.
But to truly understand it, you have to embody it. This experience will shift your understanding of how to make your child feel truly secure.
Recognizing when you're feeling off-kilter is step one. It's important for you to tune into your own safety signals first. Notice your voice rising? Shoulders tensing? Heart pounding? These signs are your cue to shift towards feeling secure again.
Taking a moment to breathe deeply and center yourself can make all the difference, not just for you but for your child watching and learning from you. In these moments, you're teaching them that it's okay to feel unsettled and that there are healthy ways to cope.
Self-Regulation: When we're overwhelmed, our brains go into "protect mode," sidelining our ability to think clearly.
Here's where self-care steps in. It's about knowing when to lean into or step back from what's throwing you off balance, ensuring you don't get swamped by it all.
Start by getting to know your nervous system and asking, "What's going on with me right now? — What am I feeling? Where am I feeling it? What can I do about it right now?
Connection: Managing your emotions, setting clear boundaries, and having a toolkit of coping strategies can transform your family life. Less shouting, more laughing, and deeper bonds. It's about building a home where everyone feels seen, heard, and connected, laying a foundation for handling emotions and life's curveballs with grace.
When you move beyond the overwhelm, you create space for attentiveness and engagement. This shift opens the door to an environment where your children's thoughts and feelings become deeply valued.
In these vital moments, you have the chance to guide them through their confusing emotions, strengthen their resilience, and uncover joy in the ordinary.
It's within these sincere, heart-to-heart connections that the seeds of understanding, empathy, and joy are carefully planted and nurtured.
Thanks, Shaenelle!
