Welcoming a baby into the world is an incredible milestone, and doing so in a different country brings its own mix of excitement and complexity. From understanding cultural differences to navigating unfamiliar systems, members of the Kietzee community open up about their personal journeys of starting a family in Germany and raising children away from their home countries.
In this edition, we hear from international parent Margarida Müller, also known as Marga, mother in Germany. She was born and raised in Portugal. After completing her studies, she volunteered in Mozambique, where she worked with sick babies, children, and their mothers. During this period of her life, she experienced birth and death in close proximity, often side by side. It was a difficult yet transformative experience that instilled in her a deep empathy for mothers and children as a vulnerable group.
She met her now-husband, a German, during his Erasmus exchange program in Portugal—a European university initiative that enables students to study abroad and immerse themselves in different cultures. After living in several German cities, including Konstanz, Kiel, Stuttgart, and ultimately Heidelberg, she completed her doctoral studies in public health. She and her husband are married and have two children.
Her journey into motherhood in Germany has been profound, challenging, and at times isolating, yet it has also served as a catalyst for personal growth and meaningful connections.
Let’s hear about it in this interview!
What have been your biggest challenges in becoming and being a parent in a foreign country? Let’s start with your pregnancy and giving birth in Germany.
Becoming a mother in Germany has been one of the most challenging and overwhelming experiences of my life.
While my high-level German initially gave me confidence, I quickly realized how unprepared I was for the specific vocabulary and cultural nuances surrounding pregnancy and childbirth.
I found the Geburtsvorbereitungskurs very helpful in preparing for labor, and I appreciated the structured, evidence-based approach Germans take toward prenatal care.
However, the birth of my first child was a traumatic experience. My baby needed to be transferred to the NICU in another hospital just one or two hours after being born. I was devastated when I had to say goodbye to my baby in an incubator and was told to transport myself to the hospital. The drive there, while physically painful for me, was necessary so I could be close to my baby. Those three days in the NICU were the longest of my life. Even after my baby was released, it took me a year to talk about the experience without feeling emotional and another year to fully process it.
For my second child, I was much better prepared. I created a birth plan, chose a different hospital, and felt calmer despite similar complications. This time, I was more confident and equipped to advocate for myself and my baby.
What about the postpartum period in Germany?
One of the best aspects of the postpartum period in Germany is the Hebamme service. My midwife played a crucial role in helping me feel like a confident mother, especially after such a difficult start after my first baby was born. The support she provided was invaluable, and I deeply appreciated her guidance.
That said, I struggled with feelings of isolation. I couldn’t fully connect with family and friends back in Portugal because they didn’t understand what life in Germany was like.
At the same time, I didn’t feel fully understood by those around me in Germany. My cultural background had a big influence on how I initially approached motherhood:
For example,iIn Portugal we don't use wet wipes for newborns. We wet a compress with warm water. Sometimes when other mothers offered me their own wet wipes because they were handy, it was awkward for me to say "no, I'll use mine".
Also the baby carriers/slings and wraps, they are not used that much in Portugal as they are in Germany. But I understood how beneficial they might be for me and the baby. It was a big milestone the first time I could put it on without my midwife's help. I felt so proud and empowered!
So over time, I was able to see things in perspective and step outside the “box” I was in. It required a lot of patience with myself and others to navigate these differences.
Anything else you struggled with as an international parent in Germany?
As an international parent, there are ongoing challenges, they never actually end.
One current struggle is navigating the Grundschule system for my oldest child. The number of options—state schools, private schools, bilingual schools, Waldorf, Montessori, or forest schools—is overwhelming, and understanding the implications of each choice is a learning process in itself.
Another challenge is related to transmitting my Portuguese culture to my children. Food is a big part of this, and I often struggle to find specific Portuguese ingredients in Germany. While I do my best to recreate familiar dishes, it’s not always the same.
But also: what do you appreciate most about being an international parent in Germany?
Germany’s emphasis on family time is something I deeply appreciate. It’s normal for parents to work part-time to balance their careers with time spent with their children, and this cultural norm feels like a privilege compared to the reality in Portugal, where such flexibility is less common.
Being far from my own culture also gives me freedom. In Portugal, there’s often pressure from peers, family, and friends to parent in a specific way. In Germany, I feel liberated to choose my own parenting style without constant judgment because I’m already different in so many ways. This freedom has been empowering.
What prompted you to start a Youtube Channel about your experience as an expat mother in Germany?
I started my YouTube Channel because becoming a mother in Germany was one of the most overwhelming and life-changing experiences I’ve ever had. I often felt lost and alone, and I wanted to create a resource to help other international parents, especially mothers, navigate this transition more smoothly.
My channel is a space where I share my experiences and the lessons I’ve learned, hoping to offer support and encouragement to others. My goal is to help international parents feel less isolated and more empowered as they raise their children in a foreign country.
Thanks Marga!
