Expert Tips: This is how Kita-Eingewöhnung Works

By Lisa H

Last updated on 22 December 2024

As soon as parents have finally been offered a place at a daycare centre, their thoughts often turn directly to the topic of settling in, where many questions can arise. That's why we asked Eileen Bischoff from Babyflüsterei for her tips on how parents and children can master the so called Eingewöhnung together and what they should pay attention to when looking for a daycare centre.

Eileen lives with her small family in the Berlin area. She works as a family counsellor and baby course instructor and is currently training to become a doula. Eileen offers workshops in small groups on various topics, including starting at the kita and settling in.

How did the idea for Babyflüsterei develop?

There are professions that come with life, from the bottom of your heart, and then become a passion. That's how it was for me and that's also the reason why I started the Babyflüsterei (engl. Babywhispering).

For many years I worked in a secure job that had nothing to do with children. After the birth of our son five years ago, my world turned upside down. I realised how many old wives' tales and ignorance are unfortunately still widespread in society, but also among professionals.

My heart has always beaten for babies and it became my passion to deal with attachment research and what a baby needs in early childhood development. This led me to embark on a new professional journey. I attended various training courses in which I was able to expand and deepen my knowledge about the development of babies and toddlers on topics such as the autonomy phase, infant sleep, starting daycare and familiarisation.

How do you help families prepare for the start of daycare in your workshops?

I help parents by listening to them and taking their thoughts, worries and fears seriously.

Many parents are unfamiliar with the process of Eingewöhnung and are unsettled by the uncertainty of what to expect. I encounter questions such as ‘Do I have to leave my child alone in the daycare centre after just three days?’ I also encounter questions about how to recognise good childcare. That's why I start by explaining the Berlin model of familiarisation to parents in my workshops.

Many of my course participants doubt whether their child is ready for daycare at the age of one. They are afraid that their child will not get the help and attention it needs around the first year of life. I always encourage parents to talk to nursery teachers, to talk about their feelings and to position themselves as experts for their children.

Surprisingly, I also get a lot of questions about what other options there are for external childcare, even if the familiarisation appointment is imminent.

It is important to me that every family makes an informed decision for themselves as to when their child can or must be looked after externally. To this end, we talk about child development up to and from the age of 1. What differences there are and what a child needs during this time to ensure healthy development, which in my opinion should be attachment and relationship-orientated.

What should parents consider when choosing a daycare centre?

Unfortunately, childcare places are scarce, which is why parents decide during pregnancy where and when their child should be looked after. It would be so important to be able to see what kind of personality the child has, when it is ready for external childcare and whether this feels good, or whether the parents are really happy with their decision.

Parents can and should therefore already consider which values are important to them when looking for a daycare centre and how these should also be represented in external childcare.

The following questions could be helpful:

  • Will a crying child be comforted? Is an injured child comforted?

  • How are they comforted?

  • Do the little ones get cuddles?

  • How is hitting, biting and kicking dealt with in toddlerhood?

  • What is the eating situation like?

  • What is the sleeping situation like?

  • What is the childcare ratio?

Parents can answer all these questions for themselves and, if possible, discuss them with the daycare centre or similar. Parents can also enquire whether the daycare centre in question offers a shadowing session before settling in, where parents can get a taste of everyday life at the daycare centre.

What can parents do before starting daycare to pave the way for Eingewöhnung?

Eingewöhnung is very individual and depends on many factors, so unfortunately I can't give a general answer to this question.

However, parents can look at their child before they start daycare. There are indeed children who are brave and want to discover the world and there are children who are still a little anxious and simply need a little more time, which is completely legitimate. The age of the child is crucial here.

Meanwhile, it is well known that children bond with their parents. That's why it would be great if parents felt comfortable and didn't act out of a MUST situation. And that's exactly where I come in. We discuss together what each family can do to ensure that the familiarisation process gets off to a good start, especially on the part of the parents, which can then be discussed with the nanny, daycare centre, nursery etc.

I think that if the ideas of the parents are consistent with the information provided by the daycare centre, the parents will feel safe and thus take a positive approach to settling in.

What tips do you have for families where the familiarisation process is not going as planned?

Take a break. This is also very individual, so I don't really like to give tips. Nevertheless, I encourage parents to follow their instincts and empathise with their child. I encourage parents to talk to the teachers, to ask questions and to look together with the teachers at what the child is lacking.

Children who find it difficult to ‘settle in’ for a very long time may need a longer familiarisation period with the possible presence of a parent in order to feel secure and build up a bond with the caregiver, who plays a supporting role. As already mentioned, children bond with their parents.

Another possibility is that the child is not yet ready for everyday life at the daycare centre. The level of stress for a 1- to 2-year-old child at daycare should not be underestimated.

In general, I encourage parents to listen to their instincts, focus on the child and, if possible, always make changes in the child's favour. Parents are the experts for their children. Children signal very strongly when they are not doing well.

Children love to be autonomous, to go out into the wide world at their own pace, when they feel safe and secure. This is just a small selection of possible causes that should be looked at and analysed individually. I am happy to help with this in my workshops.

Thank you, dear Eileen, for sharing your knowledge with us!

You can find more information about Eileen and her courses and workshops at http://die-babyfluesterei.de.

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