Welcoming a baby into the world is an incredible milestone, and doing so in a different country brings its own mix of excitement and complexity. Welcoming a second or third child can be even more of an adventure! So if you are considering growing your family, this article is for you!
In this edition of Kietzee Community Stories, we hear from expat parent Maria Fernandez Cabral, founder of The Eltern Hub and now mom of two.
Born in the Dominican Republic, Maria migrated to the U.S. (Boston, MA) at the age of 7. Now as an adult, Maria moved (a second time) to Germany with her German husband. This time, love brought her abroad and she lives in Frankfurt with her husband and two children. Read on as she shares her top tips to help you prepare for this new chapter of life abroad.
What was your first pregnancy and birth like?
In 2021, I found out I was pregnant with my first child - a moment filled with both excitement and, admittedly, a fair share of anxiety. My husband, who is German, spoke the language fluently, but parenthood was unfamiliar territory for the both of us. Navigating pregnancy and raising a child abroad felt overwhelming - we had no idea where to start or who to turn to for advice!
During my first pregnancy, I spent countless hours researching everything—from navigating Parental Allowance (das Elterngeld) and Children Allowance (das Kindergeld) to finding the right hospital in Frankfurt and a Midwife (die Hebamme) for postpartum care. The information available back then was mostly in German, which was overwhelming. I created Google Docs and checklists to track everything, but getting answers to even simple questions felt like a full-time job.
Childcare was another major concern, especially as an expat wanting to return back to work outside of the home and without family nearby. And while I read a few parenting books and joined some groups, I didn’t prioritize finding support for my mental health postpartum. Looking back, I realize how much of my focus was on preparing our home and buying baby essentials, rather than preparing myself for the transition into motherhood. Fast-forward three years later, my husband and I prepared a few things differently in preparation for our second child.
What are you doing different with baby #2?
Knowing what to do and where to turn for answers makes parenting abroad much easier!
This was certainly not my reality a few years ago, but through community building and connecting with the necessary resources, I’ve grown into my journey as a mother abroad. This time around, I feel more confident and knowledgeable. I can return to my checklists to save me the time and stress, and while there’s still plenty of paperwork and phone calls involved, knowing where to start makes a world of difference. Now that our daughter has a Kita spot, we have a much better chance of securing one for her sibling at the same location - eliminating one of our biggest stressors as parents working outside of the home. The challenge of navigating Germany’s childcare system, which was once a major worry, now feels more manageable with the experience we’ve gained.
A recent challenge I navigated as a mom abroad was preparing for a different birth experience. After my first labor ended in an unplanned C-section, an experience that was both physically and emotionally challenging, I wasn’t sure if a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) would be possible. I hoped for a natural birth, and thankfully, with the support of my gynecologist and the hospital’s midwife and doctor teams, I was able to have a VBAC and a beautiful birth experience. Having the right people by your side can make all the difference in your journey as a parent abroad.
What were some of the questions you were asking yourself as a growing family?
Growing your family abroad brings new questions and concerns. For me, some of those questions included:
Can we manage two kids without family nearby?
How will we juggle parenthood and careers?
How will our first-born adjust to this change?
Is Germany still the right place to raise our children?
Having open and honest conversations with my husband helped us navigate these questions as we planned for a second child. While just a few weeks away from diving back into the world of sleepless nights and endless diaper changes, my last pregnancy felt less stressful than the first. Having experience truly makes the difference!
What are the Practical Differences Between Preparing for Baby #1 and Baby #2?
Preparing for a second child shifted my perspective on what’s essential (spoiler: way less than the first time!). Since we already had many things from our first child (stroller, bassinet, breastfeeding pillow, bottles, etc.), we bought very little this second time around. My general rule of thumb? A baby needs a safe place to sleep, food, a few clothes, and lots of love. Everything else we can figure out along the way! Holding onto baby essentials from our first child has saved us both time and money, and hand-me-downs (especially baby clothes) are a lifesaver since little ones outgrow them so quickly.
How do you manage to prioritize self-care and mental health?
During my first pregnancy, I focused mostly on external preparations. This time, I was more intentional about mental health and well-being—whether through parent communities or counseling—to ensure I had the support I needed for this next chapter. This time, I also had fewer expectations for myself. While I fully embraced the nesting phase (couldn’t help deep-cleaning every corner of our home), I was much more relaxed about checking off all the to-dos from the list. One thing that has helped is prioritizing self-care. While solo time as a parent of two is already a challenge, I knew it would be even rarer with a newborn. So, before the baby arrived, I made it a priority. For me, that meant taking breaks for things that bring me joy—like getting a haircut, a mani-pedi, or simply meeting a friend for coffee—rather than focusing solely on stocking up on baby essentials. Making space for myself has helped me feel my best, even in the midst of this busy season..
Key Takeaways and Lessons
Growing your family abroad can feel overwhelming, but experience brings confidence. The challenges of navigating a foreign healthcare system, preparing for birth abroad, and managing childcare in Germany become easier the second time around when you know where to find answers and have a community to rely on. Prioritizing self-care and mental health also makes a difference in easing the transition.
In general, I now have fewer expectations for how things will go and instead, I welcome the chaos and excitement that comes with having a second baby abroad. If you're welcoming another child abroad, trust yourself—you've done this before, and you have the knowledge and resilience to do it again!
Thanks, Maria!